how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
