you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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