do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
