I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
