Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
