you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
