I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
