I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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