I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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