i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Randomize
