some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Randomize
