He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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