im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
