I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
