i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
