She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
