did you get engaged???
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
