Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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