I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
