the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
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