His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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