too bad you live with your parents still
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
