You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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