I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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