You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
