We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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