OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I want to have your abortion
i love accidental penises.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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