I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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