she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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