Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
