WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
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