dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
she looked like the before picture.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
