Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
no more duck duck goose at the bar
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
