Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
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