I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
