I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Randomize
