you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
