Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
