Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
