I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
