I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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