Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
send nudes
from the living room?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
