And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Randomize
