my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
