Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
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