This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize