This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
