hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
