we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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