Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
