I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
