I'm really into asian looking animals
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
