we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
