i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
