Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
