Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
