Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
