so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
