I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
