So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
be right there i have to get my cape
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
