okay pat passed out under dana's car
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
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