Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
