I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
