And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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