if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
