We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
