I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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