Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
