Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
