wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
