he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
