so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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