nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
