The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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